


Just a bit of blood

by i_ship_it_like_fedex



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Comfort/Angst, Depression, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, My First Fanfic, trigger warning, victor is a Good Boyfriend, yuuri cries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 07:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9374156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_ship_it_like_fedex/pseuds/i_ship_it_like_fedex
Summary: It was just a bit of blood. A small slip while putting his skate guard on. The cut on his hand shouldn't have been a big deal. But Yuri was panicking. And it was bad. He hadn't seen his own blood since, well... The last time he had relapsed. And that attempt was almost the end.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so this is legit the first fanfic i have posted and I am sure it sucks major ass. But here it is. Basically my way of venting feelings... but yeah. Enjoy. And you can tell i'm Canadian from how i spell colour XD or at least you can tell i''m not american. And i spell Yuri with one U cuz thats how its spelt in the subbed anime sooooooooo. P.S pardon if my russian is wrong. Feel free to comment. Comments make me a happy hippo.

It was just a bit of blood. A small slip while putting his skate guard on. The cut on his hand shouldn't have been a big deal. But Yuri was panicking. And it was bad. He hadn't seen his own blood since, well... The last time he had relapsed. And that attempt was almost the end. The crimson dripping from his hand into the locker room floor was enough. At first, Yuri just stared, but slowly his mind became muddled and his eyes blew wide. He fumbled back and fell off the bench. He backed himself up till his back hit the cool tiled wall. Yuri was sweating, as if he'd just finished training all over again. His breath was erratic and he was barely gulping it down. Yuri clenched his bleeding palm into a tight fist and rested his forehead on his wrist.

“No… Nuh-no… Don’t do this… Not while Victors here…” He scolded himself but it didn't calm him down. No. He just spiraled further down. 

This was suffocating and he felt like he was drowning. The anxiety and fear he had felt during his self harming days was back full force and god it was suffocating. It had been a long time, he hadn't since the day Victor had shown up in his life. That glorious, chaotic day had been Yuri's grace. His escape from the hell he'd been living. And god how Yuri treasured it. But right now, everything was gone except the sight of crimson and the urge to draw more. Yuri finally managed to swallow enough air to let out a strangled cry of panic before he returned to his gasping sobs. Yuri wanted to curl up, hide from everything. He slid down the wall and his boyfriend/coach took that moment to walk in.

"Yuri I've been-Yuri!" Victor cried seeing the man on the floor.

Victor was beside him in a second, blue eyes blown wide with fear. Sure Victor had seen how bad Yuri's nerves could get to him, but this was extreme. The man was shaking and barely able to breath. And there was blood. Of fuck there was blood.

"Yuri. Hey Yuri. Breath... Shh. It's ok." Victor cooed.

It didn't do much, but it got Yuri to open his hand and reveal the cut. Victor immediately moved and got a first aid kit. After making sure the wound was covered, and the bleeding staunched, he gently kneeled in front of the grief stricken Yuri.

"Yuri... Breath. Copy me." Victor encouraged.

Yuri glanced up, eyes still blown wide. But Yuri mimicked the other's breath. Yuri's mind was still frazzled, but as he breathed with Victor, everything calmed. Yuri felt the terrifying urges leave and felt his breath level out.

"Good Yuri... That's it. It's ok... I'm here." Victor said.

Victor hadn't dealt with this before, he didn't know what set Yuri off or what the precursor for all this was. But that wasn't important. Getting Yuri to breath and not pass out from hyperventilation was infinitely more important. And Victor was succeeding. Thank god Victor was succeeding because Yuri looked about a second away from passing out.

“Yuri what's wrong… What caused this… Did you relapse? It's ok if you did but-” Victor was cut off by an aggressive shake of Yuri's head.

“I just slipped…. Wuh-while putting on my guard and the blood just reminded me of it and oh god Victor the thoughts came back and it was terrifying and,” he paused to gasp another gulp of air “and it was so suffocating.” Yuri finished before collapsing forwards into his boyfriend's arms.

These were the times when Victor stopped being a coach and went to being a lover. No part of him even thought about the ice right now. All that mattered was the beautiful dark haired male, falling apart in his arms. Victor began running his hands up and down Yuri's back to sooth him.

“Let's go home, yeah?” Victor whispered softly to Yuri, who nodded in return.

Victor took care of cleaning up and gathering their things before they were in a taxi back to the hot spring. Victor kept a tight grip on the broken man even as they walked in the door.

“Oh you are home Yu...ri…” Yuri's mom said, trailing off when she saw the look in Yuri's eyes.

It was something she'd come to know as dangerous. The look of being completely and utterly shattered. Every fleck of colour in his eyes faded into a distant look. But Victor was there for her son. He’d be ok. So she let them go to Yuris room, no arguing, no questions asked. And that meant the world to the two males.

It was a quiet and long process as the two changed. Yuri put on his pajamas and Victor tossed his coat aside, not caring where it fell. Victor kept an eye on Yuri. He had to admit, he was scared. He had never seen Yuri fall apart like that. Victor knew about Yuri’s past. He had seen the scars sitting on Yuri's hips. But Yuri had assured Victor that it was over and in the past. Once changed, Victor properly cleaned and dressed Yuri’s hand before they went to bed. 

Once settled in bed, wrapped up in Victor's arms, Yuri managed to speak.

“I'm sorry.” Yuri said, flinching at how broken his voice sounded.

Victor smiled softly and caressed Yuri's cheek.

“No don't apologize… It's ok. It couldn't be avoided and i'm glad I was there to help you.” Victor began. “But Yuri do these happen often? I need to know, as your coach, but most importantly as your boyfriend.” Victor said, fingers tracing any exposed skin on the younger male they could find.

“What can i do to make it better? To help more?”  
“Be yourself.”  
“What?” Victor said, clearly surprised.

“What you did tonight. It was exactly right… All I need is you to stay beside me, and have more faith in me than I do that i'll be ok… Ok?” Yuri whispered softly, fingers curling to clench the Russians shirt in a fist.

Victor smiled affectionately. “Alright, lyubov moya, whatever you ask.” Victor said, following the words with a gentle kiss.

This would happen again, and Victor knew it. But for now, Yuri was ok and alive and in Victor’s arms. For now, that’s all that mattered. For now, everything was ok. And for someone like Victor who liked to live in the presence, that’s all he needed.


End file.
